How to talk to children who have experienced traumatic events
Helping them cope with fears and feel safe while validating their feelings are essential goals of sensitive conversations, UT Southwestern expert says
DALLAS – Aug. 15, 2025 – More than two-thirds of 16-year-olds have experienced a traumatic event, such as the Central Texas flooding in July that killed over 130 people, including numerous children at summer camp. Childhood trauma can also stem from abuse or neglect, some sort of violence such as a school shooting, or the sudden loss of a loved one.
Kids who go through such distressing situations often feel fear and worry, and some may be too frightened to return to the place where a traumatic event happened. An expert at UT Southwestern Medical Center says it’s vital for parents to have reassuring conversations with their children who have been through these ordeals to ensure they feel safe, their feelings and emotions are validated, and they learn coping skills to navigate the challenges they’re facing.
We spoke with Sabrina Browne, M.D., Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at UT Southwestern, who practices pediatric psychiatry at Children’s Health. She offers guidance for parents on how to approach sensitive discussions with children who have seen or been part of a traumatic event.
What should I consider before talking with my child who has been involved in a traumatic situation?
Before talking with your child, it’s important to be aware of your own emotions. Whether you as a parent have gone through the same traumatic experience or have had to watch your child navigate a traumatic event, it’s normal to have your own emotions that may be overwhelming. Make sure you are calm going into the conversation so you can be a grounding presence for your child.
How should I engage my child in these sensitive conversations?
Choose a quiet moment and calm setting to help create a safe environment. It can be helpful to ask open-ended questions to get an understanding of how children are feeling, what they understand about the event, and what particular fears they may have. Examples of these kinds of questions include: “Can you describe what you remember about the event?” and “What were you thinking and feeling during that time?”
How can I best help my child deal with these emotional challenges?
Helping children label their emotions can be a helpful step in processing their feelings. It’s also important to normalize and validate their feelings. Creating a sense of safety is one of the most important things we can do for our children in this situation. Provide reassurance and maintain a daily routine as much as possible.
Are there specific strategies I should share to help my child cope?
Breathing exercises are a simple, effective coping strategy. Deep breathing counteracts the body’s stress response and promotes relaxation. One helpful exercise is to have your child inhale while you count to three, then exhale while you count to three. Setting aside a calm-down corner in your home or creating a calm-down box can also help children regulate their emotions and regain a sense of control. Fill the box with items the child enjoys such as fidget toys, art supplies, puzzles, and coloring books.
How can I ease the worries of my child who is too scared to attend a similar event, return to the place where the traumatic event occurred, or even leave home or family?
It can be helpful to come up with a plan before the event. Discuss coping strategies your child can use in the situation and other things that may help your child feel safe. If possible, it might be helpful to keep the first return to an event or location brief and gradually increase the amount of time they spend there as they get more comfortable.
How can I help my child who may be feeling survivor’s guilt after a traumatic event where other people died?
Validate their feelings and acknowledge that it is a natural reaction while reinforcing that they did nothing wrong and could not have changed the outcome. Taking action can also be a helpful way to counteract feelings of helplessness and guilt. Help them find ways they can honor the victims, such as attending a memorial or volunteering.
What are some tips to ensure these difficult conversations are most beneficial to my child?
It’s important to speak to children at an age-appropriate level. For example, an adolescent may have more understanding and questions about the details of a traumatic event than a younger child. Children of all ages may have access to information online that can be overwhelming, so it is helpful to limit their media exposure to the event and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding they may have.
When is it advisable to avoid talking about this topic with my child?
Don’t force the conversation if your child isn’t ready. If you notice them becoming overwhelmed during the discussion, acknowledge their feelings, provide support, and encourage them to practice a coping skill. You can revisit the conversation when they are feeling calmer and ready to engage.
Do you have any advice for what not to do when having these conversations?
Sometimes in our efforts to provide reassurance, we can end up invalidating a child’s feelings, which can lead to the child becoming more withdrawn. Avoid saying things like, “You shouldn’t be scared,” “It’s not that bad,” or “It could have been worse.” Everyone has their own reactions to trauma, so avoid using judgmental language or telling children how they should be feeling or reacting.
What signs or changes in behavior could indicate my child needs therapy or counseling?
If you notice your child’s stress response doesn’t seem to be improving over time, it may be a sign they need the help of a behavioral health specialist. If the symptoms interfere with their ability to function at school or to participate in their usual routine, they may also benefit from therapy. Other things to look for:
- Does your child seem depressed?
- Has your child withdrawn from friends and family?
- Is your child uninterested in things they would usually enjoy?
Persistent nightmares and difficulty sleeping can also be signs that treatment is warranted. In severe cases, children may experience suicidal thoughts, which would be a sign they need immediate treatment.
About UT Southwestern Medical Center
UT Southwestern, one of the nation’s premier academic medical centers, integrates pioneering biomedical research with exceptional clinical care and education. The institution’s faculty members have received six Nobel Prizes and include 24 members of the National Academy of Sciences, 23 members of the National Academy of Medicine, and 13 Howard Hughes Medical Institute Investigators. The full-time faculty of more than 3,200 is responsible for groundbreaking medical advances and is committed to translating science-driven research quickly to new clinical treatments. UT Southwestern physicians provide care in more than 80 specialties to more than 140,000 hospitalized patients, more than 360,000 emergency room cases, and oversee nearly 5.1 million outpatient visits a year.